SAG AWARDS: HELL TO THE NO, BITCH.

And so it goes, once more. Like sand through the hourglass, these are the kakkest outfit choices on the SAG red carpet from Sunday night.

I can’t even explain it again, you all know how much this kills me.

I am exceptionally hungover today after one of the biggest weekends I have had in a loooooong time so it is physically and emotionally painful for me to write this post. Hence no more content; just a dreary brigade of total failures who no doubt are looking at images of themselves this morning with regret in their hearts and fear in their eyes.

WAIT, WHAT?  This is just stupid Rosamund. STUPID.
WAIT, WHAT?
This is just stupid Rosamund. STUPID. even if it is Dior, it looks like bubble wrap on a bad acid trip.

1422235392_mayim-bialik-zoom1-714x1024

Jane Eyre called and she wants her sleeves back
WHERE ARE YOUR HANDS? also, Jane Eyre called and she wants her sleeves back.
rs_634x1024-150125165927-634_Julia-Roberts-SAG-Awards-0115
is it just me or does Julia Robert’s jumpsuit (a long-sleeved black version of the pink jumpsuit she wore to last year’s SAG Awards) mis-coloured? Or did she wee in her pants before the show? Plus the pants are too long and badly tailored. WHAT THE HELL JULIA? The blazer is exquisite but then you f**ked up everything else so bye.

Julia-Roberts-Vogue-26Jan15-Rex_b_426x639 givenchy

rs_634x1024-150125154619-634_Julia-Louis-Dreyfus-Screen-Actors-Guild-Awards_jl__012515 monqiue lhullier

this would be cute minus the stupid bag and shoes.
this would be SO cute minus the stupid bag and shoes. but they’re there so she’s here on this list.
sorry I fell asleep looking at this dress
sorry I fell asleep looking at this dress
you look better with blonde hair destroyed in the desert. go home Khaleesi, you're drunk.
you look better with blonde hair destroyed in the desert. go home Khaleesi, you’re drunk.

this kills me to admit because she is one of my heroes but Amy Poehler this is terrible. If nothing else, just choose a dress that FITS. Ugh come one man.

Patricia-Arquette-Vogue-26jan15-Rex_b_426x639 vivienne westwood

rs_634x1024-150125163324-634-edie-falco-sag_ls__12515

why is Sophia bush still on the red carpet and why does she look this kak? that burnt orange disaster should have stayed in One Tree Hill with her fame.
why is Sophia Bush still on the red carpet? that burnt orange disaster should have stayed in One Tree Hill with her fame.
oh good, she recycled her Christmas present wrapping paper and turned it into a dress. how marvelous.
this is what happens when you cross a drunk penguin and your granny’s prom dress.

Natalie-Dormer-Vogue-26Jan15-Rex_b_426x639 naeem khan

this literally hurts my eyes. I actually don't have the energy for this shit anymore.
this literally hurts my eyes. I actually don’t have the energy for this shit anymore.

Emmy-Rossum-Vogue-26Jan15-Rex_b_426x639 amarni prive

please go back to whatever horrific disco party you came from
please go back to whatever cheap flapper party you came from (I cannot even begin to describe my disgust at the square-toe shoes, blue nail polish and bird’s nest on her head).

And then shame. Shame shame shame. Jennifer Aniston did her absolute best to show us she is over Brad and super cool and willing to take risks and be different and bla bla bla wank wank. Instead she looked like this:

OH NO YOU DIIIIINT! Jennifer Aniston wore a plunging vintage John Galliano dress. I suggest she go back in time and not ever do this again. YOU LOOK LIKE A GYPSY WHORE FROM 1976.
OH NO YOU DIIIIINT!
Jennifer Aniston wore a plunging vintage John Galliano dress. I suggest she go back in time and not ever do this again. YOU LOOK LIKE A GYPSY WHORE FROM 1976.

I can’t handle this anymore. I’m going to sleep.

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum

 

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