GRAMMYS 2015: FALLING FLAT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Good Lord I love the Grammys. Yesterday I posted about the celebrities who rocked the red carpet (ICMYI; here is that post), but today I get to sink my teeth into the utter idiots who fell short of anything fashionable by being blatantly ridiculous. We all know that the Grammys is a place for risk and reward; but sometimes that risk just goes a leeeeeetle bit off chart and into the land of fashion failure.

Sure, you’re musicians and you’re tweaking out on all the drugs you’ve just taken and people are making you believe you look TOTALLY AWESOME.

You don’t.

You went for that elusive high note and fell horribly flat and now you’re just a weirdo on the red carpet that everyone is judging because why are you wearing that and who are you in the first place? She doesn’t even go here.

But hey, you have given me the greatest material for my red carpet rant. I didn’t even have to try.

So here you go, the train wrecks from Sunday night’s Grammy Awards. Trust me when I say this is going to be one helluva ride…

ahnds down the worst outfit of the night. in fact worst outfit for an undisclosed amount of time because Madonna i a sorry but you are no longer like a virgin and it isn't 1985 and you need to GO HOME.
hands down the worst outfit of the night. in fact worst outfit for an undisclosed amount of time because Madonna I am sorry but you are no longer like a virgin and it isn’t 1985 and you need to GO HOME.

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Tom Ford you must be so ashamed. Nicki, this is just BAD. so, so, SO fvckin bad.
Tom Ford you must be so ashamed. Nicki, this is just BAD. so, so, SO bad.

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cut outs are lame now Miles. especially when you can pretty much see your vagina.
cut outs are lame now Miles. especially when you can pretty much see your vagina.

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oh dear me. you're new to all of this so I get it; you were excited to wear a pretty dress and meet your boy band crushes. and then you wore this? babes, WHY! this fits terribly, it is way too old for you and that off brown tight piece under the overpoweringly hideous lace IS NOT WORKING. you might be all about that bass but I am all about get off the red carpet.
oh dear me. you’re new to all of this so I get it; you were excited to wear a pretty dress and meet your boy band crushes. and then you wore this? babes, WHY! this fits terribly, it is way too old for you, those YDE shoes need to go and that off brown tight piece under the overpoweringly hideous lace IS NOT WORKING. you might be all about that bass but I am all about get the hell  off the red carpet.

** Disclaimer: I love boy bands. They’re my guilty pleasure.

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it kills me to have Kelly on this list because she is my spirit animal but this raccoon eye flop is too ugly for me to ignore.
it kills me to have Kelly on this list because she is my spirit animal but this raccoon eye flop is too ugly for me to ignore.

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OMG Paris Hilton you look like you have an Angry bird plastered over your upper body. an Angry Bird slash Grampa Penguin that flew into Elton John's wardrobe malfunction.
Paris Hilton you look like you have an Angry Bird plastered over your upper body. an Angry Bird slash Grampa Penguin that flew into Elton John’s wardrobe malfunction.
this chick is slowly creeping up my Taylor Swift ladder for most annoying product of pop. that hairstyle needs to be burnt off your head and your attempt at sex appeal in this confused as fvck Versace number is not helping you either.
this chick is slowly creeping up my Taylor Swift ladder for most annoying product of pop. that hairstyle needs to be burnt off your head and your attempt at sex appeal in this confused as fvck Versace number is not helping you either. AND THE SHOES? nee fok meisie.
J Huds you have lost all this weight and have the most beautiful, fresh face and you wore this boring white mini because you thought it would remind us all who you are even though you haven't done anything since 2009. well you're boring and I already forgot your name, so FAIL.
J Huds you have lost all this weight and have the most beautiful, fresh face and you wore this boring white mini because you thought it would remind us all who you are even though you haven’t done anything since 2009. well you’re boring and I already forgot your name, so FAIL.

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WHAT THE ACTUAL? did the colour run when you tried to wash this at the $1 laundry store? you are weird as shit and your bad acid trip is evident on this stupid outfit.
WHAT THE ACTUAL? did the colour run when you tried to wash this at the $1 laundry store? you are weird as shit and your bad acid trip is evident on this stupid outfit.

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oh look it's Miley's one-hit-wonder creepo dad and his dip-dyed facial hair.
oh look it’s Miley’s one-hit-wonder creepo dad and his dip-dyed facial hair.
this is what happens when you are having a mid-life crisis: you get an idiotic tribal tattoo that doesn't mean anything and your wife attempts to be one of the hot older bitches in Thierry Mugler and you guys go the Grammys and realize you're 100 years older than everyone and you cry yourself to sleep.
this is what happens when you are having a mid-life crisis: you get an idiotic tribal tattoo that doesn’t mean anything and your wife attempts to be one of the hot older bitches in Thierry Mugler and you guys go the Grammys only to realize you’re 100 years older than everyone and you cry yourself to sleep.

And just in case you aren’t already traumatized like I am; here is a friendly reminder that Madge obviously forgot where she was after stealing a Spanish bull-fighter’s hat and  running into a Victorian stripper outfit from the Charles Dickens shop down the road. Look at the confusion on her old, wrinkly face. She’s like “WHERE AM I? HOW DID I GET HERE? WHO IS THIS NERD GRABBING MY LEATHERY ARM THAT’S YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE MY SON? ARE MY BOOBS GOING TO FALL OUT? WHERE ARE MY PANTS?”

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Oh boy but the Grammys are priceless. I mean, sure, every red carpet has it’s blunders but these okes just take it to another level. CLASSIC.

Let me know who you think dropped off the playlist in the comments section below, I always love hearing your opinions!

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum

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