MET GALA 2015: THROUGH THE LOOKING (ASS)

I actually can’t do this anymore.

Fashion’s biggest night happens the same weekwend every year. It is an annual event that is firmly marked on the fashion calendar. It’s a social event that brings celebrities from all over the world to New York City. To The Metropolitan Museum of Art on 5th Avenue, to be exact.

It isn’t a surprise. It isn’t a flash mob event. It doesn’t creep up on you out of nowhere. SO WHY ARE YOU SO GROSSLY UNPREPARED AND UNDER DRESSED? UGH!

The theme follows the exhibition (China: Through The Looking Glass) that shows at the museum and is premiered the day of the gala. This year was Chinese Whispers: Tales of the East in Art, Film, and Fashion. Everyone was worried about cultural insensitivity and wrongful appropriation. Seems we overlooked the simple truth of hideous fashion. AND ALL THOSE RUFFLES.

I feel like I should just resign myself to the fact that these outings are always preceded with hopeful anticipation and high standards of excellence but, in actual fact, fall short of the hype. Nina, it is time to be realistic about how utterly useless and sartorially stupid some people are.

Without further adieu, here are my worst dressed from the Met Gala 2015:

This first group makes my worst-dressed list because I have come to expect so much from them in terms of their fashion choices and style risks; especially on the Met red carpet. They have wowed me before, but this year just didn’t cut it. Shame on you.

Gigi's brunette baby sister is usally all kinds of cool and chic. But the shoe just kills me. KILLS ME. Same goes for her mate, Hailey Baldwin (below). Both girls (who are both models) wore custom Topshop but the dresses were just too similar for me. Sies tog.
Gigi Hadid’s brunette baby sister, Bella, is usually all kinds of cool and chic. but the shoes just kill me. KILL ME. same goes for her mate, Hailey Baldwin (below). both girls wore custom Topshop but the dresses were just too similar for me. and too short for this event. it’s not the Grammy’s.

Hailey-Baldwin-Vogue-5May15-Getty_b_426x639Lily-Aldridge-Vogue-5May15-Getty__426x639 carolina herrera

If this were better fitted on the shoulders, it would have made my best dressed list. But it didn't.
if this were better fitted on the shoulders, it would have made my best dressed list. but it isn’t. and so it didn’t.

Karlie-kloss-Vogue-5May15-Getty_b_426x639 ate.lier versace

It's the gloves. It is seriously just the gloves. I love the Prada dress. I even love the headband. but those goddam gloves!
it’s the gloves.I love the Prada dress. I even love the headband. but those goddam gloves. I can’t.

Now we move onto the just plain ugly. Brace yourselves.

WHAT THE ACTUAL. someone took Star Wars day a leeeetle too far.
WHAT THE ACTUAL. someone took Star Wars day a leeeetle too far.

Anne-Hathaway-Vogue-5May15-Getty_b_646x430

no, no, noooooo. this is the kind of dress that very few women can pull off. maybe Beyonce. maybe J.Lo. NOT YOU PASTY.
no, no, noooooo. this is the kind of dress that very few women can pull off. maybe Beyonce. maybe J.Lo.
NOT YOU PASTY.
50 Shades of You Look Like A Slut.
50 Shades of You Look Like A Slut.
the theme was not
the theme was not “Wear Dolce & Gabbana straight off the runway to a Game of Thrones party” you stupid dick.
I love Jennifer Lopez. she looks better now than she has EVER looked and she kbows how to bring her trademark sex appeal to every event in every outfit. but this is too much. it's tacky (it's Versace).
I love Jennifer Lopez. she looks better now than she has EVER looked and she knows how to bring her trademark sex appeal to every event in every outfit. but this is too much. it’s tacky (it’s Versace).
what is that alien skeleton next to J.Lo? oh, wait. it's Donatella Versace. sorry (not sorry).
what is that revolting creature next to J.Lo? is it a ghost? an alien? a skeleton of a Russian man? oh, wait. it’s Donatella Versace. sorry (not sorry).

Vanessa-Hudgens-Vogue-5May15-Rex_b_426x639

I feel asleep looking at this. BORING.
I could use this look as a sleep meditation it’s so boring.
George and Amal (mostly Amal) are usually flawless. but I cannot handle those ruffles. even if they are Maison Margiela Couture.
George and Amal (mostly Amal) are usually flawless. but I cannot handle those ruffles. even if they are Maison Margiela Couture ruffles.
Allison Williams in this Giambattista Valli dress just confuses me. the capped sleeve after the black embellishments? surely not.
Allison Williams in this Giambattista Valli dress just confuses me. the capped sleeve after the black embellishments? surely not.

061_AG12573

you all know how much I don't like Jennifer Lawrence. she is the face of Dior and so has free reign on their couture for events like this. needless to say she could (always) have done better.
you all know how much I don’t like Jennifer Lawrence. she is the face of Dior and so has free reign of their couture for events like this. needless to say she could (always) have done better. also, would it kill you to smile?
Amber Valleta closes for Versace. and yet she rocked up looking like Melanie Griffith's coked out daughter.
Amber Valleta closed for Versace during fashion week. and yet she rocked up looking like Melanie Griffith’s coked out daughter.

Chloe-Grace-Moretz-Vogue-5May15-Getty__426x639

this is Chanel Couture. on Diane Kruger. it should be dream. IT ISN'T.
this is Chanel Couture. on Diane Kruger. it should be a dream.
IT ISN’T.

Amanda-Seyfried-Vogue-5May15-Getty__426x639 givenchy couture Zhang-Ziyi-Vogue-5May15-Rex_b_426x639 Selena-Gomez-Vogue-5May15-Rex_b_426x639

Lenny, you look SMOKING. but your wife looks like she just stepped out of a scene from American Horror Story Amish Witch.
Lenny, you look SMOKING. but your wife looks like she just stepped out of a scene from American Horror Story Amish Witch.
this is more about Zac's new face and Katie's stupid new bangs than the dress but I don't love the dress either so the decision was pretty straightforward.
this has less to do with the dress that looks like it has sperms swimming across the bottom of a galaxy than it does with Zac’s new face and Katie’s stupid new bangs.
everyone loved that Cher looked classic and so groomed. that is precisely why I hate this dress. it is so not Cher. give me that barely-tehre black beaded feather mohawk look from the 90s!
everyone loved that Cher looked classic and so groomed. that is precisely why I hate this dress. it is so not Cher. give me that barely-there black beaded-over-the-vagina feather mohawk look from the 90s!

SHUT UP.

there's always that one weirdo...
there’s always one…

101_AG13150

moschiNO.
moschiNO.
i usually love Chloe Sevigny for her eclectic mix of style inspirations. she doesn't apologise for being a little out fo her mind and takes fashion risks like it's no one's business. but this is juts a hot mess that not even Chloe can justify.
I usually love Chloe Sevigny for her eclectic mix of style inspirations. she doesn’t apologize for being a little out of her mind and takes fashion risks like it’s no one’s business. but this is a hot mess that not even Chloe can justify.

Robert-Pattinson-FKA-Twigs-Vogue-5May15-Getty__426x639 christopher kane

Naomi Campbell can usually wear anything and look so fierce. I mean, she's Naomi Campbell FFS. but this Burberry Prorsum just looks cheap. and trashy.
Naomi Campbell can usually wear anything and look fierce. I mean, she’s Naomi Campbell FFS. but this Burberry Prorsum just looks cheap. and trashy.

Madonna-Vogue-5May15-Getty_b_426x639 moschino

Lorde looks like she left her Calvin Klein collection dress out in the sun on the farm and the giant mosquitoes attacked. and won.
Lorde looks like she left this Calvin Klein Collection dress out in the sun on the farm and giant moths attacked. and won.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This dress looks like a stingray having a bad acid trip.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
this dress looks like a stingray having a bad acid trip.

I need a stiff drink after that.

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum

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2 thoughts on “MET GALA 2015: THROUGH THE LOOKING (ASS)

    1. That’s the great thing about fashion – it sparks conversation because of different opinions 🙂 thank you so much for your kind words Susanne. missing you and your lovely spirit xxx

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