I know, I know. It’s been four months. But in those four months I have only moved to Hong Kong and started a new job and a new life that includes working the longest hours teaching (mostly) adorable Chinese children English, going out every weekend until 7am and spending the majority of my Sundays partying on a yacht in the middle of the ocean. So can you understand why I wasn’t sitting behind a computer for hours to research and write and edit? The answer is yes, by the way.
Nevertheless, I’m here now and isn’t that all that matters in life? Again, the answer is yes (Jokes). And what better way to return to all you lovers and friends than with a classic Haute Hoodlum red carpet rant?! Nothing, if we’re being honest. Plus the time spent away from you/the blog has made me even more critical of the trainwrecks we see strutting their stuff on red carpets, runways and sidewalks. So buckle up, because I am feeling feisty kids.
Last night was the Emmys; the awards show that plays tribute to the small heroes – TV shows. And with all the incredible content out there at the moment (I’m looking at you, Netflix), you would think that the red carpet would have been bursting with AHHHHHMAZING fashion. But you would also think that walking 54789121 miles every day in 100% humidity would have made me skinny and you’d be wrong there too.
Absolute shockers (half of which came from OITNB which genuinely upset me). I just do not understand. WHY WOULD YOU CHOOSE THAT? WHERE IS YOUR STYLIST? WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS? Also, let’s take a minute to realize that this is technically known as the Daytime Emmys, which opens up so much space for playful outfit choices, fashion risks and fun. It’s also a lot less commercially distributed across mainstream media than their cool older siblings the Golden Globes and the Oscars – which allows actors/celebrities more leniency in the style stakes. Plus we have just come out New York Fashion Week, the first of the four in the season. That means that designers and fashion houses are ablaze with phenomenal, never-before-seen masterpieces (like the one Kerry Washington took right off the Marc Jacobs SS’16 runway and into my yet-to-be-written best dressed post). But no, there were still assholes on this red carpet that chose to ignore the guiding forces of fashion and turn up for nothing in their 2007 prom dress that their grandmother made using her rusty old sewing machine she borrowed from a friend at church.
And so here we are, my first post in over four months and it’s a killer… killer nasty. The worst dressed on the 2015 Emmy Awards red carpet. It’s a take no prisoners, have no mercy situation.
Let me know who your losers were; I’ve missed you guys and our conversations on these sartorial suckers.
I’m going to start with the women from Orange Is The New Black. Obviously I could make a ton of jokes about them being ‘fined’ or ‘repeat offenders’ on this Fashion Police type critique. But I’m going to let their style choices speak for themselves. Looks like OITNB just became what you’re wearing is the new no.
And now onto the rest of the criminal couture (haha, see what I did there?)
And then, this.
I hope you missed me enough to love this post. Absence makes the heart grow stronger and all of that.