PLAYING FOR KEEPS

Sports Luxe. Athleisure. Chic Street. Call it what you want; there is no ignoring this trend. It started on the streets, made its way to blogs and Instagram accounst and eventually landed up on runways and Vogue editorials (remember the Chanel sneakers from the Chanel AW’14 supermarket show?)

We’ve now seen it everywhere and it seems totally normal for us to style our tulle skirts with a pair of Roshe Runs. I’m talking about the infiltration of sportswear/activewear into our wardrobes. There has been a major paradigm shift in the world of high fashion and the streets have walked right onto the runway and into my heart.

I have been a fan of the athletic chic trend for quite some time and a lot of fashion influencers have resorted to a daily wardrobe that incorporates elements of active wear. Local bloggers such as Siki Msuseni have made it their trademark. And there are so many different ways to style this trend. I have been wearing a lot of shift dresses with my Nike Free Runs and I have found that to be a look that works really well for my body type and personal aesthetic; but the possibilities really are endless. Major brands have realized the gravity this trend has and developed products that are super cool, practical and easy to adopt. I am a Nike girl, but Adidas has some AMAZING stuff (like there collaborations with Topshop, and Pharrell Williams on their Stan Smith collections); Puma has released trés chic sneakers and every retailer from here to Timbuktu has a leisure range that just so happens to be neatly laid out next to their fashion section.

Like all trends; athleisure is about being confident in what you wear and trying something new until it works. I have also found that a key to getting this right is in the proportions you pair – it’s about the length of your dress, the shape of your sneaker or the print on your bomber jacket.

Don’t be surprised if this doesn’t fizzle out anytime soon. This is a trend that is all at once stylish and comfortable and it has been a LONG time since those two elements worked together in fashion.

Here is my interpretation of the athleisure look, but with a slightly more sophisticated edge. This is the kind of fashion that works on your weekend breakfast run and in the boardroom.

I really hope you enjoy this outfit post, shot by my beautiful friend Maria Dimova in St. Georges Park in Port Elizabeth.

Sneakers: Nike 5.0 Free Runs

Jeans: Topshop (Joni Jeans)

Belt: Foschini

Collared Shirt: Anisa Mpungwe for Mr Price

Powder Blue Coat: Woolworths

Leather Bucket Bag: Zara

Watch: Truworths

Stacked Rings: Lovisa

Sunglasses: Vintage Market in Nottinghill

Lipstick: Ruby Woo by M.A.C

Nail Polish: Lust Worthy by Morgan Taylor

how beautiful is this place? nature is such an artist.
how beautiful is this place? nature is such an artist.

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sometimes I feel like a bad bitch. this was one of those times.
sometimes I feel like a bad bitch. this was one of those times.

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this is not me being a model. this is my belt falling off because my jeans do not have belt loops.
this is not me being a model. this is my belt falling off because my jeans do not have belt loops.

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playing hide and seek with Maria. HAHAHAHAHA I am  hilarious.
playing hide and seek with Maria. HAHAHAHAHA I am hilarious.

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obvs always time for a quick selfie
obvs always time for a quick selfie

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de de de deeeeeetails
de de de deeeeeetails

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Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum

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MET GALA 2015: THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

Ok, I can breathe again. There is a light at the end of the very dark and hideous fashion tunnel.

Below are my choices for best dressed at this year’s Met Gala. I already know that some people are going to disagree wholeheartedly and that is totally cool. One of fashion’s greatest values is its ability to initiate conversation formed from a difference of opinions. Style is subjective, too, so we will never agree on everything. So let me know who you loved or hated in the comments section at the end of this post; I would really love to hear from you guys!

Some of these looks are my favourite because they are just exquisite and beautifully styled (from shoes and accessories to hair and makeup). But most of them are more beautiful to me because they either represent  a fashion risk (this night is all about couture, innovative style, and fashion MOMENTS, after all) or because they actually took the theme to heart. For those who are unsure; the Met Gala is hosted at The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York and takes place the same day that the museum opens its annual fashion exhibition. The theme for the gala is extrapolated from the exhibition – they are not the same but are similar. The 2015 fashion exhibition at the Met is China: Through The Looking Glass and the gala followed with a theme that encapsulates just that in forms of art and fashion.

A lot of people blatantly ignore the theme and that kinda pisses me off. So when someone incorporates it into their ensemble; I am already looking at it more closely and with more respect. At least, initially.

So here we are, my best dressed from Monday’s Met Gala…

As usual, RIRI pulled out all the stops and has created a massive divide between those who love this and those who absolutely hate it (or as Sam Sam so brilliantly put it, thinks it looks like scrambled egg; which I actually cannot argue with). But the more I look at this, the more I die of obsession over it. That fabric is PHENOMENAL and the train is everything. This is the goddam Met Gala people; so why not? This is fashion. It’s couture. It’s a risk. It is dramatic to the next lev. IT IS PERFECTION.

Rihanna-2-Vogue-5May15-Getty_b_646x430 Rihanna-Vogue-5May15-Getty__426x639

seriously, Rihanna is so beautiful it hurts me to look at her.
seriously, Rihanna is so beautiful it hurts me to look at her.
ok, so she was two hours late and that did irritate me but at least she looked killerrrrrrrrrrr. this is how to show skin and be chic and have an element of the Orient (in her hairstyle). QUEEN BEY.
ok, so she was two hours late and that did irritate me but at least she looked killerrrrrrrrrrr. this is how to show skin and be chic and have an element of the Orient (in her hairstyle). QUEEN BEY.

Kim-Kardashian-Vogue-5May15-Getty__426x639 roberto cavalli by peter dundas

I have to hand it to them. Kimye look unbeeeeeeleeeev.
I have to hand it to them. Kimye look unbeeeeeeleeeev.
Liya Kibede in a 3.1 Phillip Lim pantsuit is everything my dreams are made of.
Liya Kibede in a 3.1 Phillip Lim pantsuit is everything my dreams are made of.
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Jenna Lyons may have lost her signature specs, but her style savvy remains.
Cara wore this incredible Stella Mccartney jumpsuit and hand drawn tattoos and nailed it.
Cara wore this incredible Stella Mccartney jumpsuit and hand drawn tattoos and nailed it.

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THE QUEEN DOES IT AGAIN. Anna Wintour looks remarkable in chanel Couture and her daughter's Alexander McQueen dress is TO DIE FOR.
THE QUEEN DOES IT AGAIN. Anna Wintour looks remarkable in Chanel Couture and her daughter’s Alexander McQueen dress is TO DIE FOR.

Gong-Li-Vogue-5May15-Getty_b_426x639 roberto cavalli by peter dundas

LOVE THIS. Rose Byrne in laser-cut leather from Calvin Klein Collection.
LOVE THIS. Rose Byrne in laser-cut leather from Calvin Klein Collection.
if I even look half as hot as a granny as Helen Mirren; I wold have made it in life.
if I even look half as hot as Helen Mirren when I’m a granny; I would have made it in life.
Cara's older sister, Poppy Delevingne, wore this stunning red Marchesa gown that was finished with... you guesses it - poppies.
Cara’s older sister, Poppy Delevingne, wore this stunning red Marchesa gown that was finished with… you guessed it – poppies.
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dying. dead. done. obsessed. OBSESSED!

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KK always wins at the Met Gala. remember her blue embellished gown of note last year? I do.
KK always wins at the Met Gala. remember her blue embellished Marchesa ballgown last year? I do.

I don't even know why but I am obsessed with this entire look on Zendaya.

i know a lot of people hated this and joked about her headpiece but I am obsessed! this is so SJP, so suited to the theme, so high fashion.
I know a lot of people hated this and joked about her headpiece but I am obsessed! this is so SJP, so suited to the theme, so high fashion.

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ohhhhhhhh my Lord. Behati you beauty!
ohhhhhhhh my Lord. Behati you beauty!

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my favourite model, Joan smalls, looks exquiiiiiiiiisite in this Roberto Cavalli by Peter dundas dress. jaw officially dropped.
my favourite model, Joan Smalls, looks exquiiiiiiiiisite in this Roberto Cavalli by Peter Dundas dress. jaw officially dropped.

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Alexa Chung wore Erdem on her dress and on her arm as her date.
Alexa Chung wore Erdem on her dress and on her arm (as her date).
Georgia May Jagger was so on point in this perfectly-to-the-theme Gucci wrap. plus the styling is everything. so well put together!
Georgia May Jagger was so on point in this perfectly-to-the-theme Gucci wrap. plus the styling is impeccable. so well put together!

Irina-Shayk-Vogue-5May15-Getty_b_426x639 Kerry-Washington-Vogue-5May15-Rex_b_426x639 prada

Emily Blunt. Embellished Prada. Cape. thank you, I can die happy now.
Emily Blunt. Embellished Prada. Cape.
thank you, I can die happy now.

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at least one Kravitz woman rocked the red carpet...
at least one Kravitz woman rocked the red carpet…

Ivanka-Trump-Vogue-5May15-Rex_b_426x639 Kendall-Jenner-Vogue-5May15-Rex__426x639 calvin klein collection

I CANNOT EVEN. this is hands down one of my favourite looks (ever).
I CANNOT EVEN.
this is hands down one of my favourite looks (ever).

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Emily Ratawhatwhat in custom Topshop. knocked it out the park.
Emily Ratawhatwhat in custom Topshop. knocked it out the park.
thank you Lady Gaga for bringing the drama back to the Met Gala! this Balenciaga masterpeice is made for you babes.
thank you Lady Gaga for bringing the drama back to the Met Gala! this Balenciaga masterpiece is made for you babes.

Let’s hear it for the boys…

congrats on being the coolest couple I've never met (bot wearing custom Topshop).
congrats on being the coolest couple I’ve never met (bot wearing custom Topshop).
my favourites!
my favourites!

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's COSTUME INSTITUTE Benefit Celebrating the Opening of China: Through the Looking Glass - Red Carpet Arrivals

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I know, i am as surpised as you that Justin Bieber is on this list. especially with those stupid sunnies. but I have to give him credit on this one. that Balmain embellished blazer is sensational.
I know, I am as surprised as you are that Justin Bieber is on this list. especially with those stupid sunnies. but I have to give him credit on this one. that Balmain embellished blazer and sash belt is sensational.

Adrian Brody looks like sex right now. I would.

Thank the Pope for these beauties. Now I can sleep peacefully.

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum

MET GALA 2015: THROUGH THE LOOKING (ASS)

I actually can’t do this anymore.

Fashion’s biggest night happens the same weekwend every year. It is an annual event that is firmly marked on the fashion calendar. It’s a social event that brings celebrities from all over the world to New York City. To The Metropolitan Museum of Art on 5th Avenue, to be exact.

It isn’t a surprise. It isn’t a flash mob event. It doesn’t creep up on you out of nowhere. SO WHY ARE YOU SO GROSSLY UNPREPARED AND UNDER DRESSED? UGH!

The theme follows the exhibition (China: Through The Looking Glass) that shows at the museum and is premiered the day of the gala. This year was Chinese Whispers: Tales of the East in Art, Film, and Fashion. Everyone was worried about cultural insensitivity and wrongful appropriation. Seems we overlooked the simple truth of hideous fashion. AND ALL THOSE RUFFLES.

I feel like I should just resign myself to the fact that these outings are always preceded with hopeful anticipation and high standards of excellence but, in actual fact, fall short of the hype. Nina, it is time to be realistic about how utterly useless and sartorially stupid some people are.

Without further adieu, here are my worst dressed from the Met Gala 2015:

This first group makes my worst-dressed list because I have come to expect so much from them in terms of their fashion choices and style risks; especially on the Met red carpet. They have wowed me before, but this year just didn’t cut it. Shame on you.

Gigi's brunette baby sister is usally all kinds of cool and chic. But the shoe just kills me. KILLS ME. Same goes for her mate, Hailey Baldwin (below). Both girls (who are both models) wore custom Topshop but the dresses were just too similar for me. Sies tog.
Gigi Hadid’s brunette baby sister, Bella, is usually all kinds of cool and chic. but the shoes just kill me. KILL ME. same goes for her mate, Hailey Baldwin (below). both girls wore custom Topshop but the dresses were just too similar for me. and too short for this event. it’s not the Grammy’s.

Hailey-Baldwin-Vogue-5May15-Getty_b_426x639Lily-Aldridge-Vogue-5May15-Getty__426x639 carolina herrera

If this were better fitted on the shoulders, it would have made my best dressed list. But it didn't.
if this were better fitted on the shoulders, it would have made my best dressed list. but it isn’t. and so it didn’t.

Karlie-kloss-Vogue-5May15-Getty_b_426x639 ate.lier versace

It's the gloves. It is seriously just the gloves. I love the Prada dress. I even love the headband. but those goddam gloves!
it’s the gloves.I love the Prada dress. I even love the headband. but those goddam gloves. I can’t.

Now we move onto the just plain ugly. Brace yourselves.

WHAT THE ACTUAL. someone took Star Wars day a leeeetle too far.
WHAT THE ACTUAL. someone took Star Wars day a leeeetle too far.

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no, no, noooooo. this is the kind of dress that very few women can pull off. maybe Beyonce. maybe J.Lo. NOT YOU PASTY.
no, no, noooooo. this is the kind of dress that very few women can pull off. maybe Beyonce. maybe J.Lo.
NOT YOU PASTY.
50 Shades of You Look Like A Slut.
50 Shades of You Look Like A Slut.
the theme was not
the theme was not “Wear Dolce & Gabbana straight off the runway to a Game of Thrones party” you stupid dick.
I love Jennifer Lopez. she looks better now than she has EVER looked and she kbows how to bring her trademark sex appeal to every event in every outfit. but this is too much. it's tacky (it's Versace).
I love Jennifer Lopez. she looks better now than she has EVER looked and she knows how to bring her trademark sex appeal to every event in every outfit. but this is too much. it’s tacky (it’s Versace).
what is that alien skeleton next to J.Lo? oh, wait. it's Donatella Versace. sorry (not sorry).
what is that revolting creature next to J.Lo? is it a ghost? an alien? a skeleton of a Russian man? oh, wait. it’s Donatella Versace. sorry (not sorry).

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I feel asleep looking at this. BORING.
I could use this look as a sleep meditation it’s so boring.
George and Amal (mostly Amal) are usually flawless. but I cannot handle those ruffles. even if they are Maison Margiela Couture.
George and Amal (mostly Amal) are usually flawless. but I cannot handle those ruffles. even if they are Maison Margiela Couture ruffles.
Allison Williams in this Giambattista Valli dress just confuses me. the capped sleeve after the black embellishments? surely not.
Allison Williams in this Giambattista Valli dress just confuses me. the capped sleeve after the black embellishments? surely not.

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you all know how much I don't like Jennifer Lawrence. she is the face of Dior and so has free reign on their couture for events like this. needless to say she could (always) have done better.
you all know how much I don’t like Jennifer Lawrence. she is the face of Dior and so has free reign of their couture for events like this. needless to say she could (always) have done better. also, would it kill you to smile?
Amber Valleta closes for Versace. and yet she rocked up looking like Melanie Griffith's coked out daughter.
Amber Valleta closed for Versace during fashion week. and yet she rocked up looking like Melanie Griffith’s coked out daughter.

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this is Chanel Couture. on Diane Kruger. it should be dream. IT ISN'T.
this is Chanel Couture. on Diane Kruger. it should be a dream.
IT ISN’T.

Amanda-Seyfried-Vogue-5May15-Getty__426x639 givenchy couture Zhang-Ziyi-Vogue-5May15-Rex_b_426x639 Selena-Gomez-Vogue-5May15-Rex_b_426x639

Lenny, you look SMOKING. but your wife looks like she just stepped out of a scene from American Horror Story Amish Witch.
Lenny, you look SMOKING. but your wife looks like she just stepped out of a scene from American Horror Story Amish Witch.
this is more about Zac's new face and Katie's stupid new bangs than the dress but I don't love the dress either so the decision was pretty straightforward.
this has less to do with the dress that looks like it has sperms swimming across the bottom of a galaxy than it does with Zac’s new face and Katie’s stupid new bangs.
everyone loved that Cher looked classic and so groomed. that is precisely why I hate this dress. it is so not Cher. give me that barely-tehre black beaded feather mohawk look from the 90s!
everyone loved that Cher looked classic and so groomed. that is precisely why I hate this dress. it is so not Cher. give me that barely-there black beaded-over-the-vagina feather mohawk look from the 90s!

SHUT UP.

there's always that one weirdo...
there’s always one…

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moschiNO.
moschiNO.
i usually love Chloe Sevigny for her eclectic mix of style inspirations. she doesn't apologise for being a little out fo her mind and takes fashion risks like it's no one's business. but this is juts a hot mess that not even Chloe can justify.
I usually love Chloe Sevigny for her eclectic mix of style inspirations. she doesn’t apologize for being a little out of her mind and takes fashion risks like it’s no one’s business. but this is a hot mess that not even Chloe can justify.

Robert-Pattinson-FKA-Twigs-Vogue-5May15-Getty__426x639 christopher kane

Naomi Campbell can usually wear anything and look so fierce. I mean, she's Naomi Campbell FFS. but this Burberry Prorsum just looks cheap. and trashy.
Naomi Campbell can usually wear anything and look fierce. I mean, she’s Naomi Campbell FFS. but this Burberry Prorsum just looks cheap. and trashy.

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Lorde looks like she left her Calvin Klein collection dress out in the sun on the farm and the giant mosquitoes attacked. and won.
Lorde looks like she left this Calvin Klein Collection dress out in the sun on the farm and giant moths attacked. and won.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This dress looks like a stingray having a bad acid trip.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
this dress looks like a stingray having a bad acid trip.

I need a stiff drink after that.

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum

CULOTTES CRAZY

Culottes are in. There’s no escaping them. They’re here and baby, they’re here to stay.

I have seen girls wearing them and looking tres chic, but never in a million years did I think I could pull them off, mostly because I thought they were hideous. It has taken me ages to find a pair that works (after mustering up the courage to even try them on). Trends are fickle things; they are splattered across magazine pages and Instagram accounts but they are impersonal. Until you try them. Some trends are easier than others because they are in line with your current style choices or don’t veer too far from your existing wardrobe. But some trends are trickier, and seem a world apart from what you’re used to. There are those trends that, albeit totally different from your norm, jump out at you and beg you to try them on. And then there others that you know immediately are not for you and you bypass them, regardless of their popularity. Culottes are the former trend. And trying them on was the hardest part of the adoption process (followed closely by finding a pair that didn’t make me look a lesbian hockey coach).

So here I am, culottes on and ready to take on the fashion world. I also bought a pair of patent black court shoes from Woolies (my new favourite place on Earth) to pair with the pants; because getting this look right is all about proportions. They’re wide-leg and hit you just below the knee which, for a girl with my body shape, means I need to elongate my legs with a pointy shoe and keep the top simple and fitted. I also went all black to create a more slimming silhouette, adding a necessary dose of colour in my accessories – a stack of beaded bracelets bought from various craft markets in South Africa and inspired by the utterly fabulous Jerri Mokgofe from According To Jerri.

I shot this look at The Donkin Reserve in my hometown of Port Elizabeth (the city was ‘formed’ by Sir Rufane Donkin and named in honour of his wife, Elizabeth,  who loved it so much). Shout out to my beautiful Bulgarian, Maria, for playing photographer for the day. “You’re so nice”. I hope you enjoy this one and I hope that it inspires you to try something new, even if it doesn’t manifest into anything more than a giggle in the changing room.

Shoes: Woolworths

Culottes: Woolworths

Jersey: Mr Price

Beaded bracelets: Craft Markets

Hat: River Island

I had great hopes for the hat’s role in this outfit but they don’t call PE the Windy City for nothing.

Lipstick: Ruby Woo by M.A.C IMG_0504 IMG_0508 IMG_0543  IMG_0616

this is my take on a runway walk. CLASSIC.
this is my take on a runway walk. CLASSIC.

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A R M P A R T Y  (and you're all invited)
A R M P A R T Y
(and you’re all invited)

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feeling like such a lady in these court shoes. #fakeittillyoumakeit
feeling like such a lady in these court shoes. #fakeittillyoumakeit

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bye, babes.
bye, babes.

Stay tuned for more on the blog, because there is a lot coming your way!

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum

DUNGAREES: DAY TO NIGHT

Lord have mercy on my sartorial soul!

I have been looking for cool, well-fitted dungarees in the right wash and cut for ages now. I have envisioned entire outfits. But I had, until recently, yet to find the pair of (and from) my dreams.

Then I stumbled into Cotton On and voila! The pair I have had in my head is now in my wardrobe. Dungarees – or overalls – have been creeping into the trend reports for the past few seasons; mostly thanks to the exponential rise in the power of street style. They have been rediscovered, reworked, and re-appropriated and I could not love them more. Dungarees, when done right, are incredibly versatile. You most probably imagine them as SUPER casual and you’re right, they can be. But you can also dress them up and look extremely chic. Denim is such a fashion staple and, in all its forms, has assimilated from the working man’s uniform to a core item in any fashionista’s wardrobe. And its versatility is in living proof here (and in the fact that I went out that night in my evening look).

That was the goal of this look book – showing you how to transition from day to night in a pair of good ol’ dungarees (or dungareegees as I have started calling them. It makes me feel like a little Italian woman lost in a Super Mario game). It saves time, money and the process of thinking up entirely new ensembles.

Niks and I shot this at the new Haas in Buitenkant and if you haven’t been there I suggest you jump in your car and head on over immediately. It is the coolest space with the most delishstixx coffee and quirks and gimmicks to keep you entertained for hours.

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decor deets
decor deets

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I’m actually pretty proud of this post to be perfectly honest; so I really hope you enjoy scrolling through it as much as I enjoyed producing it.

Day look:                                                                          

Sliders: Mr Price                                                               

Dungarees: Cotton On                                                   

T-shirt: Cotton On                                                           

Watch: Truworths  

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details (still so obsessed with this watch).

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sliders are a trend that will fade and that do not work on everyone or with every outfit. but these Mr Price sliders are winners.
sliders are a trend that will fade and that do not work on everyone or with every outfit. but these Mr Price sliders are winners.

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Evening look:

Leather sandals: Zara

Dungarees: Cotton On

T-shirt: Cotton On

Blazer: Mamma Mich’s Vintage

Watch: Truworths

Bag: Taylor Covington

trying to model
trying to model [badly]
this Savage bag goes with everyyyyyyything and adds an element of edge to your outfit. if only I owned this and didn't keep stealing it!
this Savage bag goes with everyyyyyyything and adds an element of edge to your outfit. if only I owned this and didn’t keep stealing it!

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I've kissed too many frogs that didn't turn into princes; maybe rabbits are the next best thing?
I’ve kissed too many frogs that didn’t turn into princes; maybe rabbits are the next best thing?

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Hopefully you’ve managed to find some inspiration in this post, or at the very least some fun. It is just fashion, after all.

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum

ACADEMY AWARDS 2015: LUH-HOOOOSERS

Oh, you thought I wasn’t going to post my worst dressed from the 87th Academy Awards just because I was so impressed with the red carpet? You thought that because I was on site on events all day and contracted the Black Plague that I would rid you of your sartorial pleasures by not dishing out harsh criticisms? You thought I would spare those idiots that thought they rocked the red carpet?

THINK AGAIN.

Always, always be prepared for a Haute Hoodlum rant because let’s face it – it’s what I do. Tearing through the mirage of golden gowns and exposing those stupid enough to wear a dress that doesn’t fit and looks terrible and is just plain hideous is one of my greatest strengths (and joys in life). Awards Season is now over and you, my sweet loves, shall be treated to one last worst dressed of the period: The Oscars. Hollywood’s biggest night and, so often, fashion’s biggest failures.

I don’t need to go into detail about the underwhelming nature of expectant red carpets (I realize that sounds like red carpets who are 8 months pregnant but I have the flu so please overlook that) so, for the last time this season, I will leave you with my choices for the train wreck catastrophes at the 2015 Oscars.

Have fun little darlings…

Anna Kendrick prides herself on ebing quirky and weird and alternative but then she shows up on the red carpet looking (pretty but) BORING AS FVCK. c'man gurl, spice it up a little.
Anna Kendrick prides herself on being quirky and weird and alternative but then she shows up on the red carpet looking (pretty but) BORING AS FVCK. c’maaaaan, spice it up a little.
Gwynie, my girl, if you're going to try and remind us all that you're relative please do not do so by wearing a revamped version of your famous other pink Oscars dress with the flower from Carrie Bradshaw's opening look in the Sex and The City Movie on your shoulder.
Gwynie, my girl, if you’re going to try and remind us all that you’re still relevant please do not do so by wearing a revamped version of that other pink Oscars dress worn with the shoulder flower from Carrie Bradshaw’s opening look in the Sex and The City Movie.
Viola, you usually look so exceptionally beautiful but this dress is just ugly and the shape does not do you any justice and the space between the dress and the necklace is just OFF. please go back to being stunning.
Viola, you usually look so exceptionally beautiful but this dress is just ugly and the shape does not do you any justice and the space between the dress and the necklace is just OFF. please go back to being stunning.
sorry, Felicity. you may have had a breakout role in The Theory of Everything; but you know nothing when it comes to fashion. bye.
sorry, Felicity. you may have had a breakout role in The Theory of Everything; but you know nothing when it comes to fashion. bye.

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please note this choice has nothing to do with her dreadlocks (for those who don't know, I am referring to the blow up on social media around Guilianna Rancic's ignorant dreadlocks comment). Zendaya is on this list, not for the first time, because she looks way too skinny and this dress does not fit well and she could do so much better. I actually love her hair, especially for the stuck-up-your-arse-Oscars but the outfit and styling is just a flop.
please note this choice has nothing to do with her dreadlocks (for those who don’t know, I am referring to the blow up on social media around Guilianna Rancic’s ignorant dreadlocks comment). Zendaya is on this list, not for the first time, because she looks way too skinny and this dress does not fit well and she could do so much better. I actually love her hair, especially for the stuck-up-your-arse-Oscars but the outfit and styling is just a flop.

Julianne Moore, I have a bone to pick with you. This entire Awards Season you have been absolutely killing it in the fashion department. You have shown all these young girls how to dress with class and sex appeal and have worn some of the most exquisite gowns I have ever seen. You are also pasty with red hair and yet you have looked INCREDIBLE every single time. You have also won every single time. So surely, suuuuurely, you at least had an inkling that you would win the Oscar. In my mind that means wearing the most sensational dress that flatters you in all the right ways and makes you look like the glamourous, beautiful woman and movie star that you are. So you went with Chanel. A good choice for a winner. But this Chanel? ARE YOU FVCKING KIDDING ME? This dress is the same colour as your above mentioned pasty skin and, albeit exquisite on the runway or on a model, is so completely underwhelming on you. It does not hug your curves or enhance your figure and simply does not make an impact. And that makes me very sad.

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I love Lady Gaga. I love this dress. I love her hair and makeup. but why, oh why, did she wear those ruh-volthing red latex gloves? did she do the dishes before leaving the house and suddenly realize she was running late? maybe she came from the set of the new season of American Horror Story: Hotel and forgot to leave the props behind. who knows, it just doesn't work. and if it doesn't work on Gags then you know its fvcked up.
I love Lady Gaga. I love this dress. I love her hair and makeup. but why, oh why, did she wear those ruh-volthing red latex gloves? did she do the dishes before leaving the house and suddenly realize she was running late? maybe she came from the set of the new season of American Horror Story: Hotel and forgot to leave the props behind. who knows, it just doesn’t work. and if it doesn’t work on Gags then you know its fvcked up.

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hate her. hate that Vuitton dress. hate that completely unnecessary belt hate her massive forehead.
hate her. hate that Vuitton dress that looks like it is made from the row of colour-changing-in-the-lights sequin material you buy from your local Chinese store. hate that completely unnecessary belt. hate her massive forehead.
UM NO. that Justin Bieber sweep should be left in 2009 where it belongs.
2009 Justin Bieber called and he wants his hair back.
Margot Robbie you are so exquisite and you are wearing Saint Laurent and yet somehow you still managed to look frumpy delumpy. go home and change.
Margot Robbie you are so exquisite and you are wearing Saint Laurent and yet somehow you still managed to look frumpy delumpy. go home and change.

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you know what kills me the most of this hole outfit (and the fact that it is NOT the first time Kelly is on my worst dressed list)? That middle strap on the shoe! this looks like ouma se skoene van die Matriek afskeid.
you know what kills me the most of this whole outfit (and the fact that it is NOT the first time Kelly is on my worst dressed list)? That middle strap on the shoe! this looks like ouma se skoene van die Matriek afskeid.

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Solange, you are the queen of cool. You are a style icon. neither of which are apparent with this monstrosity of an outfit.
Solange, you are the queen of cool. you are a style icon. neither of which are apparent here.

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too much fabric, too much pull & gathering, not enough beautiful.
too much fabric, too much ruching, too much delicate sparkle that barely makes a sound, not enough beautiful.
this is just the most confusing thing I have ever seen.
this is just the most confusing thing I have ever seen.
BRUSH YOUR HAIR. THIS IS THE OSCARS GADDAMIT.
BRUSH YOUR HAIR. THIS IS THE OSCARS GADDAMIT.

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And then, just when you thought that you had made sense of the pitfalls and wrapped your head around these style sacrifices; this bint arrived looking like a bad comedown. I don’t know who you are or what your deal is, but if you are going to walk the Oscars red carpet then please refrain from looking like a drug-induced prozzie that made her dress out of leftover Asian restaurant curtains and silk from the hotel she snuck out of at 5am.

Until next time xxx

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Haute Hoodlum

ACADEMY AWARDS 2015: AND THE WINNER IS…

And so it finally happened – the biggest night in awards season took place last night and after all the huffing and puffing we eventually wound up with some spectacular red carpet fashion choices! The 87th Annual Academy Awards  marked the end of a long and often treacherous awards season that had its fair share of dreary dresses and WHAT THE ACTUALS? But there is a light at the end of that dark fashion don’ts tunnel, and that light shone bright last night.

Don’t get too excited, there is MUH-HOST DEFS a red carpet rant in the wings; but for now let us revel in the wows and yesses and the oh-my-goodness-she-finally-got-it-rights!

No surprise as to the night’s biggest winners in terms of who took home little golden men; but I am happy to report that some of this season’s worst dressed pulled their shit together (or hired new stylists) and NAILED it. I’m looking at you, Rosamund Pike.

The Oscars stuck to a colour palette of mostly monochrome, sparkles and nudes, with a few stars going for bold and bright primary colours: trends that echo the entire season and are a surefire sign of what’s to come in department stores and local lookbooks in the coming months.

So here we go, the end of the journey and my penultimate post for the 2015 Awards Show series: the best dressed at the 87th Academy Awards.

Let me know your thoughts and if you like what you see here, don’t be afraid to hit that follow button! There is so much in store for Haute Hoodlum this year, you really don’t want to miss out (plus I literally get funnier every day).

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YES YES YES MY GUUUUURL LUPITS! a Calvin Klein dress made entirely of pearls and she looks sensational.
YES YES YES MY GUUUUURL LUPITS! a Calvin Klein dress made entirely of pearls and she looks sensational.

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hands down of the best dressed at The Oscars and of the entire season: Emma Stone and this Elie Saab Couture golden masterpiece were born to be together
hands down of the best dressed at The Oscars and of the entire season: Emma Stone and this Elie Saab Couture golden masterpiece were born to be together. perfectly styled from her hair to her lip colour to the shoes. FINISHED.

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Custom Dior. nuff said.
Custom Christian Dior. ’nuff said.

marion-cotillard-vogue-22feb15-getty_b_426x639 reese-witherspoon,-oscars-2015-red-carpet,-getty__large tomf ord

Chrissy has been so consistently flawless this awards season and she isn't even an actress nominated for anything. just goes to show (I don't know what but whatever it is, she is showing us!)
Chrissy has been so consistently flawless this awards season and she isn’t even an actress nominated for anything. just goes to show (I don’t know what but whatever it is, she is showing it right off!)
I love Meryl Streep. Everybody loves Meryl Streep. she is SUBLIME> but she often looks frumpy and dowdy. not this time baby! this Lanvin outfit is everyyyyyyything.
I love Meryl Streep. Everybody loves Meryl Streep. she is SUBLIME> but she often looks frumpy and dowdy. not this time baby! this Lanvin outfit is everyyyyyyything.
if I'm not mistaken, this is the first time we have seen a Peter Pilotto for Oscar De La Renta dress on the red carpet and it is mesmerizing.
if I’m not mistaken, this is the first time we have seen a Peter Copping for Oscar De La Renta dress on the red carpet and it is utterly mesmerizing.

 

Cate Blanchett wowed in this John Galliano for Maison Margiela number and Tiffany statement jewels.
Cate Blanchett wowed in this John Galliano for Maison Margiela number and Tiffany statement jewels.
I am usually left underwhelmed by Jessica hatain but this is exquisite. head-to-toe.
I am usually left underwhelmed by Jessica hatain but this is exquisite. head-to-toe.
I am forthing over Rita Ora in this Marchesa dress. PERFECTION.
I am frothing over Rita Ora in this Marchesa dress. PERFECTION.

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I usually fall asleep looking at this bint but she looks beautiful in this Saint Laurent red numbers o well done
I usually fall asleep looking at this bint but she looks beautiful. no fuss needed, she is a simple girl who should wear simple, elegant pieces like this red Saint Laurent number.
finallyyyyyyyyyy Ros! at least she saved this impeccable Givenchy Couture dress for the big night. literally dying over how stunning she looks.
finallyyyyyyyyyy Ros! at least she saved this impeccable Givenchy Couture dress for the big night. literally dying over how stunning she looks.
you're young and fresh and wearing a pocketed Miu Miu dress to The Oscars. SHAME.
you’re young and fresh and wearing a pocketed Miu Miu dress to The Oscars. SHAME.

kerry-washington,-michelle-schumacher,-oscars-2015-red-carpet,-getty__large miu miu

Jen, you look really beautiful in this Atelier Versace gown so I will overlook the fact that you haven't changed your look since 2002.
Jen, you look really beautiful in this Atelier Versace gown so I will overlook the fact that you haven’t changed your hair since 2002.

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Zoe Saldana just gave birth to twins, I'll give you a moment to reconcile that thought...
Zoe Saldana just gave birth to twins, I’ll give you a moment to reconcile that thought…
staright off the Valentino Couture runway and covered in love letters, this is how you dress a pregnant stomach for Awards season.
staright off the Valentino Couture runway and covered in love letters, this is how you dress a pregnant stomach for Awards season.
that is how you dress when you are larger (than life)
that is how you dress when you are larger (than life)
could not love this image more if I tried
could not love this image more if I tried
these two get it right every gaddam time.
these two get it right every gaddam time.

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what a hot couple. I can't get over these two. and I love how slick onse Behati looked.
what a hot couple. I can’t get over these two. and I love how slick and chic onse Behati looked.

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the couple that wears McQueen together, stays together.

 

that is the look of a winner. also, it doesn't hurt that Eddie is wearing bespoke Alexander McQueen (as did his new wife).

a navy suit is such a great alternative to the usual black and white palette men stick to. WOOP GO ANSEL WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS.
a navy suit is such a great alternative to the usual black and white palette men stick to. WOOP GO ANSEL WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS.

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OBSESSED WITH YOU DAVID OYELOWO! not the first time this incredible man has worn Dolce & Gabbana on the red carpet and not the first time he has worn something different and exciting and not the first time I have DIED over how phenomenal he is.
OBSESSED WITH YOU DAVID OYELOWO! not the first time this incredible man has worn Dolce & Gabbana on the red carpet, not the first time he has worn something different and exciting and not the first time I have DIED over how phenomenal he is.

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UM HI THERE
UM HI THERE

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Jesus has never looked so hot
Jesus has never looked so hot

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And one more for good luck…

ummmm sorry, Ugly Betty, is that you? what a vision!
ummmm sorry, Ugly Betty, is that you? what a vision!

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum