BRITISH FASHION AWARDS: MISSES

Monday blues. They’re a real thing. And the perfect setting for the tragic disappointments on the BFA red carpet last week. I started off excited and quite confident that my favourite accent would prevail and the Brits would wow me with some spectacular fashion. Sure, there were some incredible choices made and some beeeeeeautiful pieces throughout the night (see my previous post); but once again I was underwhelmed by a majority of fashion icons and usually flawless figures.

Why oh whyyyyyyyyyyy must some people be so unashamedly clueless? I simply do not get it. Ok fine, not everyone has the passion and eye for trends and what works on their body but hello that is why you have stylists! I have said it so many times and I will say it again – you cannot all afford to dress yourselves but FFS you can afford someone who knows what they are doing. Although if we are going to be perfectly honest I wonder if some of these mishaps come from a calculated stylist decision (even worse).

However, what is most upsetting in all of this is that the people who dictate what we wear and how we style it are oftentimes the ones screwing it up the most! Seriously, WTF?

So here you have it, the worst of the worst at an event celebrating and awarding fashion. It is the biggest mystery. But perhaps it will remind you that even the most successful, influential and coveted style mavens GET IT WRONG (and even supermodels can look stupid).

BFA 2014 you totally sucked here.

PLEASE DON'T HURT ME FOR THIS
PLEASE DON’T HURT ME FOR THIS

I actually cannot even believe I am putting her on this list. The queen of everything, Anna Wintour, seriously missed the mark in my eyes. I fear there may now be a special spot in fashion hell reserved just for me but I just don’t get it. She could literally wear anything (I mean the woman is best friends with every designer and stylist ever in the history of the world and she chooses this shmutzik stupid flower dress and frilly shoes?) I just. I can’t. And I’m sorry. I am so sorry.

and then she teams up with her even stupider looking daughter, OI.
then she teams up with her even stupider looking daughter.

And it doesn’t end there.

LOVE the sweater, Vics. but that stupid belted skirt? NO. NO NO HELL TO THE NO.
LOVE the sweater, Vics. but that stupid belted skirt? NO. NO NO HELL TO THE NO.

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this sleeved dress is so unflattering I cannot even believe. why Cara, why do this to yourself? you win Supermodel of the Year and you accept the award in this? shame.
this sleeved dress is just so unflattering. why Cara, why do this to yourself? and that random piece of side eye-makeup too? you win Supermodel of the Year and you accept the award like this? shame.
I bet you when the photographer compiled this group he thought it would be for best dressed lists. oh how wrong he was.
I bet you when the photographer compiled this group he thought it would be for best dressed lists. oh how wrong he was.
I am so sorry Alexandra Shulman but you and your American correspondent need to reevaluate your outfit choices
I am so sorry Alexandra Shulman but you and your American Vogue counterpart need to reevaluate your outfit choices. you could do so much better and it hurts that you choose instead to look like a stocky-tree-stump-tin-man from The Wizard of Oz

So many prom dresses. From the 80s. That your mom helped your grandmother make. On a budget.

50-laura-haddock-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-rex_b_592x888 30-michelle-dockery-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-rex_b_592x888 erdem 26-laura-carmichael-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-getty_b_592x888 christopher kane

wat die hele fok?
wat die hele fok?
Image-1
why is Ellie Goulding even at the BFAs?

60-karolina-kurkova-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-getty_b_592x888

40-tali-lennox-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-getty_b_592x888 58-sam-rollinson-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-getty_b_592x888

oh lord
oh lord
when your skin and your dress are the same colour you have f**ked up
when your skin and your dress are the same colour you have f**ked up
pitch not-so-perfect
pitch not-so-perfect

35-daisy-lowe-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-rex_b_592x888 antonio berardi

I have never liked her and this proves why
I have never liked her and this proves why

38-simone-rocha-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-pa_b_592x888 51-lily-donaldson-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-rex_b_592x888

Tom Ford you are a genius and I love you, but this dress on Rita Ora is just wrong.
Tom Ford you are a genius and I love you, but this dress on Rita Ora is just wrong.

20-lewis-hamilton-nicole-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-rex_b_592x888 julian macdonald

TWIGGY YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE
TWIGGY YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE

18-angela-scanlon-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-pa_b_592x888 kimono belt

please stop
please stop

 

bla bla BORING Kendall. you are a stunning supermodel, DO MORE.
bla bla BORING Kendall. you are a stunning supermodel, DO MORE.

And then the after party happened. And things just got weird.

AWKWARD CARA
AWKWARD CARA

23A6BC5100000578-2856495-Feeling_nippy_Cara_Delevingne_donned_a_revealing_Tom_Ford_dress_-168_1417509625439

Charlotte-Dellal-Vogue-2Dec14-pr_b_592x888
this is the most RUH-VOLTING combination of fabrics and silhouettes I have laid my eyes upon

Amber-le-Bon-Vogue-2Dec14-pr_b_592x888 AP

if the pants were tailored and the jumpsuit fitted her better, this would be on the best dressed post. but they don't and it doesn't; so you find yourself here amongst the vomitus creatures.
if the pants were tailored and the jumpsuit fitted you better, this would be on the best dressed post Jourdan Dunn. but they don’t and it doesn’t; so you find yourself here amongst the vomitus creatures.
oh look she didn't change.
oh look she didn’t change and still looks like a hooker

UGH. It’s so sad.

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum

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BRITISH FASHION AWARDS 2014: HITS

So last night saw the 2014 British Fashion Awards held in my favourite city ever, London. Celebrities, fashion icons and socialites all strolled the red carpet and massive green hedge in their best threads. Well, some of them. Those of you who have followed Haute Hoodlum this year will know that I have been tragically underwhelmed at fashion’s biggest nights and events; with the most revered players often massively disappointing me. BOO.

Last was not dissimilar. However, that list of disasters is a story all on its own and this post is about celebrating those who took risks (that pulled off) and looked like FASHION.

You may not agree with all my choices, and that is perfectly acceptable because fashion is, after all, highly subjective. But I think you will be on my side when it comes to some of these beauties.

Without further adieu, here are my favourite looks from last night’s BFAs. You’ll notice a definite trend in the plethora of small box clutches with cartoon-esque features, and an array of Emilia Wickstead designs seen on some of the biggest names in fashion; but other than that there was a huge mix of looks and styling last night which makes being an observer all the sweeter.

Enjoy.

handsdown my favourite look of the night: Emma Watson in Misha Noonoo and that oversized blazer to die for
hands down my favourite look of the night: Emma Watson in a Misha Noonoo jumpsuit and that oversized blazer to die for
another winner in a blazer - but much more risqué obvs. Riri in Stella McCartney
another winner in a blazer – but much more risqué obvs. RIRI in Stella McCartney

Image-1 karlie

52-olivia-palermo-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-rex_b_592x888

Chiara Ferragni in Peter Pilotto and those Nicholas Kirkwood shoes
Chiara Ferragni in Peter Pilotto and those Nicholas Kirkwood shoes
the party and the afterparty
Alexa Chung creaming in Emilia Wickstead at the party and the after party
Joan Smalls in Tom Ford
Joan Smalls in Tom Ford
Cara Delevingne's cool(er) older sister; Poppy in Topshop.
Cara Delevingne’s cool(er) older sister; Poppy in Topshop.
Laura Bailey in Emilia Wickstead
Laura Bailey in Emilia Wickstead
I am as surprised as you are that I actually kind of LOVE this Blue Burberry gown on Suki Waterhouse... but I do.
I am as surprised as you are that I actually kind of LOVE this Blue Burberry gown on Suki Waterhouse… but I do.

61-alexa-poppy-suki-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-getty_b_592x888 COOL BAGS

53-naomie-harris-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-rex_b_592x888

classic Charlotte Gainsbourg in Louis Vuitton
classic Charlotte Gainsbourg in Louis Vuitton

 

I love that these (slightly curvier) women wore suits. GIRL POWER!
I love that these (slightly curvier) women, Anya Hindmarch and Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen, wore suits. GIRL POWER!

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Alice Temperley did GOOD. I love this mix of pretty much everything.
Alice Temperley did GOOD. I love this mix of pretty much everything.

I have to give a massive round of applause/special mention/praise to the men on the BFA red carpet because HOT DAMN they turned that shit UP.

It is one of my favourite things when menswear gets a little edge to it (check out my post on the exciting alternatives to traditional male fashion) so I am thrilled at what went down last night.

OMG Harry styles in Lanvin I cannot even
OMG Harry styles in Lanvin I cannot even
Thomas Tait looking so much better after his hair cut
Thomas Tait looking so much better after his hair cut
I WOULD
I TOTALLY WOULD
David Gandy in a Marks & Spencer suit. YUM.
David Gandy in a Marks & Spencer suit. YUM.

7-jeremy-irvine-british-fashion-awards-vogue-1dec14-rex_b_592x888 burberry

another M&S suit hits the red carpet
another M&S suit hits the red carpet
even the elder crowd changed it up (yes, I'm talking to you Manolo Blahnik).
even the elder crowd changed it up (yes, I’m talking to you Manolo Blahnik).

The after party also saw some showstoppers…

Henry Holland
Henry Holland
I MEAN COME ON
I MEAN COME ON
stop it
stop it
rihanna-kate-party-vogue-2dec14-rex_b_592x888 AP
besties

Naomi-Campbell-Kate-Moss-Vogue-2Dec14-pr_b_592x888 AP

hottest couple alert (especially because you can't see VB's stupid belted skirt)
hottest couple alert (especially because you can’t see VB’s stupid belted skirt)

And then this happened:

23A6366B00000578-2856495-Celeb_pairing_Harry_caught_up_with_his_pal_Emma_Watson_who_whipp-159_1417509351194

23A6662B00000578-2856495-Delighted_Emma_seemed_pleased_to_have_received_the_award_from_th-167_1417509552930

Let me know who you think rocked the red carpet and watch this space for the volcano of hideous fashion DON’TS that is coming…

Until next time xxx

Haute Hoodlum